I solved my washing puzzlement the next day with the help of a colleague, although the process involved manually draining water from the machine into a large tub, over and over. I probably also shouldn't have the machine in the bathroom but it’s the only place in the entire house where an outlet and a water source are located anywhere near each other. I put the power strip in a plastic bag and put a towel over it to protect it from any errant dripping water, but the whole scene was a little shady if I’m honest.
Safety concerns aside I have to say the partly manual, partly mechanized process of washing clothes was enlightening. It was amazing to see how much dirt was in the wash when I was emptying the water from the basin via a flimsy plastic drain tube into a plastic tub, the contents of which then got dumpted into the bathtub.
There was a separate spin dry compartment that sort of sucked excess water away, although I could only manage to put about 3 items in there or else the whole machine shook so violently and loudly that I was afraid I was going to anger the cockroaches en masse (definitely something I wanted to avoid).
It may have taken a few hours longer than I would have liked, but I managed to have some clean clothes after all. After going through all that I'm gonna try a little harder to keep 'em clean...